January 30, 2017

When I was a young girl, I was really bad at math and science (still am). Initially, those were the only two subjects that I was bad at, but through my little eyes they seemed like everything, like they were the only subjects that truly matter, and so I felt really small... and stupid. I was told that I was slow and dumb; a loser with a bleak future. I got beaten up for failing exams and failing to memorize my multiplication tables. I started to fall back in other subjects as well and went from number 2 in primary school to number 32 in high school. I questioned myself everyday- "why am I not getting it like the rest?" I slept every night secretly hating myself, academic-wise. I became that girl who felt disgusted by her stupid self and was ashamed of carrying her brain around.

Today I wish that back then someone would tell me that imagination is not silly. That all these voices and melodies in my head is not a sign that I'm crazy. That creativity could be another form of intelligence...

January 27, 2017

Why do we think of the people who don't think of us?

Why do we miss the person who doesn't miss us in return?

It doesn't make sense.

Time has passed by and everyone has moved on but me--

it doesn't make sense.

I tell myself again and again;

it's the memories, Wani. It's the memories.

You are holding on to the memories.

Okay. Fine. But why? And until when?

This is ridiculous.

I should not love someone this much.

It used to be tiring but now I'm immune to it,

so I am currently feeling annoyed instead of exhausted.

Annoyed by my own heavy heart.

Wani oh Wani.

Remember how you stopped believing in love and everything was alright then?

Well, you've screwed that up.

The moment you fell in love, you're damned.

You will never be the same again.

January 26, 2017

Thought I'd share my next project with you! :) Kalau tahun 2015 & 2016 adalah tahun The Creative Co, insya-Allah tahun 2017 & 2018 adalah tahun Koleseni Ipoh. (Maybe it'll stretch longer? Who knows kan?)

Every now and then, Fafa, Arriff, and I have been giving informal private lessons to youngsters, with Fafa on doodling, Arriff on singing, and yours truly on writing. Koleseni is basically us tutors coming together and making it official. (Our qualifications and experiences are on fb.com/koleseni.ipoh 'cause we understand how parents need to be convinced sometimes! Dah selalu kena sebelum ini sebab wajah kami kebudak-budakan walaupun usia tak begitu muda lol)

If you live around Ipoh and you wish to learn how to doodle/sing/write, do contact us on Facebook. Details are there. Fees are very affordable and we're flexible in terms of date, time, and venue. Class is just an hour a week, pick any subject, and we'll tailor the lesson according to your needs...

January 24, 2017

The 3rd Annual Gathering of MRKH Malaysia & 1st Collaboration With The Obstetrics & Gynecology Unit of PPUKM 

Thank you to Prof. Amy, Prof. Azurah, Dr. Harizah, Dr. Anizah, and the rest of the O&G team for your study, your research, your support, and your understanding. We are so grateful and honoured to have you on board.

Thank you to my MRKH sisters for your time, your dedication, your honesty, and your opinions. This isn't just about us anymore- we are now helping other girls as well; the next generation of Malaysia's MRKH women.

MRKH Syndrome is a congenital disorder that happens to 1 in every 5000 women all around the world where girls were usually born without a uterus and/or without a vagina, leading to other issues related to the kidneys, bones, and hearing, subsequently affecting their mental and physical health.

January 23, 2017

Maafkan aku

kiranya ada malam kau menemui dirimu sesat dalam balam belukar
gelap gelita
mencari jalan pulang
ke pangkuan galang dan ranjang.

Maafkan aku

kiranya ada lilah ruhmu tersentak keluar dari mimpi dan kau terpinga-pinga
mencari jalan pulang
ke pelukan khayalanmu.

Maafkan aku

dan ingatan-ingatanku terhadapmu yang terlalu bebas berselerak
hingga ada yang terlepas masuk ke peraduanmu
menahanmu dari tidur
menyergahmu dari lena...

Itu aku.

(Maafkan aku.)

January 22, 2017

Woke up this morning still feeling so very disappointed that last night I didn't get to share my poems/songs in the form which I have arranged and prepared. Weeks of finding the right feel, composing the right melody, struggling to lock down the chords, practicing with whatever time I had left- only to find myself on stage empty handed, as the string of my guitar decided to break right before my performance. And so I sang with just my soul as my music. Begitulah. Kadang kita beriya, tapi kalau belum rezeki dia untuk jadi, maka tak jadilah juga. Jadinya mungkin lusa di ruang yang berbeza. Sementara itu telanlah pahit kegagalan, moga-moga terasa manisnya pengajaran.

January 20, 2017

Yesterday, one of my school friends lost her 3 day-old child. 9 months through pregnancy and the baby came out perfectly beautiful, then off she went into God's heavenly arms. Just 3 days old. I could hardly sleep after hearing the news. Hours later it rained and I found myself crying while driving, imagining myself in her place. As I age, I realize I have more and more girlfriends who experience stillbirth or miscarriage, sometimes again and again, and the strength of these ladies amazes me.

I don't know how you girls do it. I don't know how did you survive going through such difficult test. In my late teens, when the doctor announced that I have an organ missing and I can never get pregnant- saya terduduk. It felt like all the babies in my dreams have died all at once. When I was trying to adopt, thrice, and I was already on my way to pick up my babies and bring them home, dengan barang dah siap, berminggu berbulan dah berangan, then suddenly they said my babies had been taken- saya...

January 17, 2017

Dengar lagu 'Nakhoda' oleh Acid Hadi di laman Soundcloud Acid Hadi (Acid Hadi adalah seorang penyanyi/pemuzik Malaysia yang menetap di Netherlands dan lagu yang baru siap ini liriknya saya tulis).


Nyanyian & Gubahan: Acid Hadi
Lirik: Wani Ardy

kapal ini tak di timur selamanya
kadang bayu menghembus ke barat
apa kau tetap memimpin tanganku
walau gelombang di hadapan
bakal menggoyah lantai kita

Hei sini
duduk di ribaku
dengarkan janjiku
ku kan menjagamu

Berdua itu lebih padu
dari dikaram rindu
aku nakhoda mu

temani aku kemudi bahtera
saat mula pelayaran kita
saling menjadi tiang kekuatan
menjadi sauh tempatnya kita
selalu berbalik, berpautan.

January 16, 2017

Tonton lagu 'Gelombang Dasar Laut' oleh Wani Ardy & the Guitar Polygamy di saluran Vimeo The Shades of Philia (Highlights: Wani Ardy & the Guitar Polygamy live at Esplanade, Singapore).


Gelombang Dasar Laut
Nyanyian: Wani Ardy & the Guitar Polygamy
Lirik: Wani Ardy

Ini malam
cahaya suram
lampu kelam
cinta padam
hati karam
aku tenggelam
dalam muram

Kepala aku kapal pecah
anak kapal tunggang langgang
waktu tenang bulan mengambang
waktu siang ribut menyerang
timbul ranap 
tenggelam mati
renyuk laut 
berenang pergi.

January 9, 2017

Sharing this 'cause I receive writing samples every week! I'm sorry I can't speak on behalf of companies I have no relation with. Tak manis. :)

Submitting manuscripts isn't just about emailing. First, RESEARCH on the publishing companies. Lain syarikat penerbitan, lain gaya/tujuan. Kadang karya ditolak bukan sebab tak bagus, tapi tak kena dengan gaya/halatuju mereka. 

Get to know them & their books. Find out what they're looking for, what the market's like. The moment you decide on getting published, it isn't just about you anymore. Like everything that needs balance, you'll have to juggle 'em all into consideration- pembaca, penerbit, apa awak nak tulis.

SELUT BOOKS is an online bookstore that houses many publications i.e. Sang Freud Press (penerbit buku² saya), Selut Press, Perfect Binding, & Roman Buku. Each has different styles/aims, so figure that out before sending in.


RIPTA is a baby company that produces creative work; books...

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