September 29, 2018

Hai Ipoh! Hari ini saya di Hari UNESCO Malaysia 2018 sebagai salah seorang panelis yang membincangkan peranan seni dalam pendidikan, bersama wanita hebat Low Ngai Yuen dan kakak otai Jennifer Thompson, serta dipengerusikan oleh Zim Ahmadi. Terima kasih, Kakiseni! Jumpa di pentas utama jam 5.15 petang, ok?

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Good morning, Ipoh! I will be at Hari UNESCO Malaysia 2018 today as one of the speakers for a dialogue on the role of arts in education, moderated by Zim Ahmadi of Daily Seni. Alongside me will be wonder woman Low Ngai Yuen and kakak otai Jennifer Thompson, so needless to mention I am truly honoured and humbled to be given this opportunity. Thank you, Kakiseni! I'll see you at the main stage at 5.15pm, alright?

September 28, 2018

I drove alone to Ipoh last night. Three hours. Another weekend work trip. My life has been extremely heavy this year: Lots of serious changes and impactful transition and emotional baggage - personal wise. Lots of gigs and travelling and crazy schedule - career wise. With fatigue, I don't always think straight. I just keep swimming and swimming that whenever I breakdown, I fail to understand where is this moment of weakness coming from, 'cause I have been keeping myself consistently busy and distracted all the time, so why am I still not healing, why do I still have these ugly episodes, when will I ever get things right. I overestimated my strength in the past, and today, I still miscalculate my strength. Why oh why. Dear self, 1) reach for your dreams but stick to your pace and capability 2) preserve your mental health and sanity, remember how you legit did almost lose it 3) you still have a lot to learn about yourself, you don't know everything. All the best.

September 27, 2018

The memories. The life. Part of me will never move on from the years that I was hosting this humble bed & breakfast, the years when I was a lonesome Ipoh girl. I am lonesome too now. I will always be lonesome no matter where I am. It's just me. It's either all writers are lonesome people or all lonesome people are writers, I'm not sure. But I do know that Rumah Ipoh is still up and operating today thanks to my saviour Kullest Fafa who volunteered to take over this tiny little business of mine. I hope travellers and backpackers will keep on coming, sleeping over, making this quiet ol' space alive. I have left so much love there... perhaps you could feel it whenever you're spending the night.

September 25, 2018

Ikhlas, bonda ada seribu satu doa untuk Ikhlas yang bonda tadahkan pada Tuhan. Bukan sekadar hari jadi, tapi hari-hari. Tiap hari bonda tadah tangan, tiap malam bonda tiupkan pada ubun-ubun Ikhlas. Bonda tak pernah cukup, tak pernah sempurna solat, tapi nama Ikhlas belum pernah tercicir daripada sujud-sujud bonda. Bonda tak ada rumah mewah nak dikasi, tak ada kereta mahal nak dibagi, tapi bonda ada doa yang insyaallah terus ke Tuhan tanpa hijab, dan bonda janji akan cuba sehabis baik untuk pastikan mental fizikal Ikhlas terjaga, antaranya dengan memastikan mental fizikal bonda terjaga sama. Isi doa bonda adalah rahsia antara bonda dengan Pencipta kita- asal bersyukurlah anakku, kerana Ikhlas sangat disayangi semua. Mudah-mudahan Ikhlas jadi manusia yang penyayang juga. 

September 21, 2018

Selamat tengahari, Singapura! I arrived yesterday from KL and had so much fun jalan-jalan the whole day even though I was super sleepy and super tired. Note: Didn't sleep AT ALL the day before my flight.

After checking in 7 Wonders Capsule Hostel, my 'tourist guides' brought me to Yizun Noodle at Sam Leong Road where I tasted the best Lanzhou lamian oh my lord. The beef black pepper was the bomb. Then we went to the Gillman Barracks at Lock Road for the Singapore International Photography Festival and Art After Dark. It was super happening with live music, barbecues, visual arts exhibition - didn't expect I would enjoy exploring so many art galleries at night. A visual artist I discovered which is my favourite among all was Si Jae Byun from Korea whom I plan to stalk later. Work dia cantik nak mati you wonder apa benda mamat ni makan and fikir? After the festivities, we went to 2am Dessert Bar at Holland Village. I've got four words for you: Dark. Chocolate. Salted. Caramel. Theeeese...

September 20, 2018

On my way to Singapore with a big surprise: My latest baby. The Art or Letting Go(d). A collection of memoirs and a pinch of stories. All written in English Language. By yours truly. I am bringing 20 fresh copies of this with me along with Hujan Bakawali di Rumah Tuhan and IKHLAS Illustrated. 

September 17, 2018

My parents are everything I am not. I didn't inherit my mother's patience and perseverance the way I didn't inherit my father's iman and ilmu. My parents aren't perfect; they make mistakes like all humans do. But while they're imperfect, the word imperfect itself sounds too perfect for me. Because I am even much further away from imperfection. Sometimes I secretly feel sorry for my parents for having me as a child. I have many failures in life and not much left to be proud of. I need my parents more than they need me. I can't live without them but am pretty sure that they'll be alright without me. I desperately hope and pray that Ikhlas will grow up to be a much better child to me and to his father than I could ever be to my mother and my father.

My father recently taught me a lot about self-care, about being kinder to yourself, which turns out to be the toughest thing for a mother to master. When you're a mother, you bear so many things for your child and you think of your child first...

September 15, 2018

Reset. Starting over is never ever easy. Almost a year now and it's still so far from easy. Not supposed to be easy, to begin with. Dan kebetulan, sejak belakangan ini, undangan berpentas yang saya terima kebanyakannya memerlukan saya bermain gitar secara solo. Maka dari segi karier, saya terasa seperti bermula semula juga. Buka balik kitab. Belajar balik macam mana nak guna tuner, pickup, dan lain-lain. Potong kuku. Lap badan gitar yang dah berhabuk. Aneh, saya hampir lupa asal-usul saya yang satu ini. A singer-songwriter. Years of being a frontwoman, being supported by my six bandmates till I forgot how it felt like to run a one-man show. Now here I am. Back at one. At the age of almost 34. Not easy. Not supposed to be. But not impossible either. Insyaallah tak mati. Insyaallah. Saya cuba.

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