August 28, 2019

My queen has just turned 65.

Tolong doakan ummi saya, Normadiah binti Ismail, dikurniakan kesihatan yang baik dan kesejahteraan dunia akhirat. Tolong doakan pembedahan kedua beliau nanti berjalan lancar dan proses penyembuhan dipermudahkan. Insyaallah, amin ya rabbal alamin. 

August 27, 2019

Gemuruh mengirim 'surat cinta' ke 25 orang penulis wanita sezaman. Saya selalu percaya pada kuasa pena dan kuasa perempuan dalam mendukung sesama perempuan. Bertahun saya peram 'hadiah' ini sambil mengingatkan diri bahawa saya wajib realisasikannya sebelum mati. Masanya sudah tiba.

August 24, 2019

Pasrah bukan kalah
tapi menyerah pada Tuan Rumahnya Dunya dan Akhirah.

Penat dicipta untuk pulang.
Lelah dicipta untuk lelap.

August 23, 2019

Kadang-kadang, yang 'toksik' adalah diri kita sendiri.

Nak-nak tiap kali kita nampak / dengar / baca tentang sesuatu atau seseorang, benda pertama yang lalu kepala kita ialah benda negatif.

May we'll never lose our ability to find goodness in people, in situations, in everything. 

August 22, 2019

If you don't know how not to sound righteous or preachy, just give that person a good hug.

Peluk dan dengar.

August 17, 2019

How we talk about other people speaks volume about ourselves. The older I grow, the more I find truth in this. I become more careful about what I write, what I say. Kalau esok saya mati, kata-kata inilah yang akan tertinggal. Saya tidak mahu tinggalkan kata nista dan caci maki yang sia-sia. Ia tidak akan bertukar menjadi doa mahupun cahaya.

August 15, 2019

What is it about kindness that we foolishly believe so much in it? Why do we believe that being kind is the solution, over and over again, regardless of how difficult things and people are? Pelik ya. Are we being kind or are we being stupid? Sometimes we feel confused and lost by this. Tapi kawan saya pesan, kita kena selalu berbalik pada jalan asal kita; tujuan kenapa kita hidup di dunia.

Dulu memang saya kurang faham prinsip ayah: Biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang. I didn't really understand his ways of being overly diplomatic and ridiculously kind, especially in critical situations. It just didn't make sense. Kemudian baru-baru ini, saya ada bacakan kisah Nabi Muhammad SAW pada Ikhlas sebelum tidur. Our first time reading that book together, so it was a discovery for me too. Ringkasnya- baginda finally menang peperangan yang besar, tapi ada sebilangan musuh yang berjaya larikan diri. Para sahabat kata, ayuh kita doakan musuh-musuh yang terlepas itu mati. Baginda terdengar...

August 8, 2019

Beginning early this year, every time people asked me- "buat apa sekarang?", I found myself jokingly answered "SAHM" which means "stay-at-home mom." Later, at almost every art event or social event I attended, I started using this answer more and more frequent. Slowly it hit me-- maybe I wasn't joking all this while. Maybe I AM a stay-at-home mom. After all, it IS what I do most of the time, no? More than writing, composing, and performing. It is my number one job before being a writer, a performer, and an advocate. Whenever Ikhlas is away at school, I'd dig up what interesting activities I can do with him, what fun educational places I can explore with him, how to keep him mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy, how to shape him into a kind, gentle, and loving person, how to show him ways of becoming a better Muslim though I myself am seriously struggling. It is indeed a never-ending task. Yet a task I have always dreamed of.

I quit my desk job in 2015; 2 to 3 years after Ikhlas...

August 7, 2019

Just done giving personal consultation to 1 fiance and 3 husbands of MRKH women who are too shy to reach out to me so their partners did it instead. :') This is my happy love story for today. God bless men who take care of their women mentally, physically, and emotionally. Ameen!

#MRKHsyndrome
#MRKHawareness

August 6, 2019

I used to be one of those people. One of those people who didn't understand mental health. One of those people who looked at mental conditions as just a matter of "tak kuat semangat, tak cukup iman." Then one day it hit me like a truck; I woke up hearing things and seeing things that weren't there, doing things that I couldn't remember later, and feelings things that were foreign to me. Like in the movies- only this was my reality. Years and years ago.

Waktu itu barulah tahu langit tinggi-rendah. Baru tahu kuasa Allah Ta'ala tahap apa. Baru tahu keupayaan otak manusia sampai mana.

It was so mindfucked that it made me realize- orang yang tak rasa memang takkan dapat hadam. Alangkan kita pun boleh tak faham diri sendiri, apalagi orang lain. Jadi, takpa. It's okay. It's okay if people don't understand your mental condition. Janji awak peka dengan keadaan awak dan awak uruskannya dengan tanggungjawab. You've gotta admit that understanding it is not easy. So be the bigger person. Biar awak fa...

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