"I don't want my daughter to get hurt."

November 25, 2019


Parenting is tricky. I myself have only been a parent for 7 years which means I'm a newbie compared to those with grown-up children. Kita selalu dengar orang cakap- "dulu aku membesar gitu gini, aku turn out okay je" atau "mak bapak aku dulu buat aku gitu gini, aku alright je." Hakikatnya, benda biasa belum tentu benda betul. Old ways (or new ways) are not always the best. There's room for improvement, no matter how experienced. Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Parents are only humans. Parents make mistakes too. Most mistakes began with good intentions, tapi niat baik tak menghalalkan cara.


Through my experience of consulting and educating parents of MRKH girls, biasanya ibu bapa ni ada dua jenis: 1) Jenis tak nak deal with the issue, comfortable staying in denial, tak nak panjangkan cerita. 2) Jenis panicky, protective, berfikir jauh ke kutub utara. Jenis nombor dua ni yang selalu tak benarkan anak berkahwin. "I don't want my daughter to get hurt." Ibu bapa pada anak yang normal pun kalau boleh tak nak semut gigit anak dia, apatah lagi parents to children with DSD (disorders in sexual development). What can I say? Life is a gamble. Orang normal dan subur pun boleh kena tinggal. Samalah juga orang yang takda rahim, faraj, ovari, tiub segala. There is simply no guarantee.


My son is a normal kid alhamdulillah and yes, I don't know the feelings of being a parent to a child with DSD. But as a woman with DSD, I can tell you this: If your daughter with DSD wants to get married to a decent man who accepts her condition, please let her live. If you fear things will change and it's a mistake, let her make that mistake. You've taken your risk when you got married, now it's her time. None of us knows what the future holds but one thing for sure, we can't keep our children forever.


(Writing that line feels heavy for me too sebab saya juga seorang bonda, tapi itulah kebenarannya.)


Sooner or later, our children will get hurt. Kalau tak oleh orang lain, oleh kita sendiri. It's how people grow. Letting go and letting god doesn't mean that we love our children less. It means we love them beyond comprehension. Sayang lillahita'ala.


Wani Ardy
MRKH Malaysia
"Challenging perceptions, changing lives."





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