The one thing that makes me sad about not earning a monthly salary is that, I don't get to sadaqah my money in a consistent amount like I used to. Now it's a different amount every month depending on how much I get to make at that point of time. It sucks. It feels like I owe someone something all the time. I'm ashamed of myself for not giving more and doing more. It's embarrassing to eat and sleep and do normal things when there are so many news about people and kids out there in conditions which we are not even strong enough to read about.
Just that one thing, really.
Resigning and becoming a full-time writer/performer was still the best decision I had ever made last year. No regrets on that one.
On another note, I am grateful that I received my royalties just days before Ramadhan, enabling me to sadaqah as much as I can this holy month. Basically paying my (overdue) rent for living in this world, taking up this tiny space on earth.
God does work in wondrous ways subhanallah, because as soon as I did that, a dear former student of mine texted me, asking me if there's anything I'd wish for, because she's spending these last days of Ramadhan praying harder than usual, and she wanted to pray for me. For my dreams.