Orang Kecil

#songseriesbywaniardy Orang Kecil, 2004 Going solo, my first Malay language song post-Boneca was actually Teori Lucu, but Orang Kecil was the one that stood out and pushed me forward as a singer-songwriter. To be honest I don't exactly like Orang Kecil musically; it sounds way too 'safe' and its melody is one of the plainest/simplest I've ever composed. But it is what it is; I wrote it when I was going through a very challenging phase with all sorts of trials and tribulations. Health, family, relationship, studies- things were overwhelmingly heavy that I felt really small, like the world was squeezing me into this tiny object that almost meant nothing. Today, Orang Kecil is also the title of my upcoming third book, probably because that's how I feel most of the time. I have at least 6 versions of its manuscript and the process has been emotionally consuming and mentally draining. Tiap puisi yang saya tulis dan sunting, rasanya seperti saya buka jahitan luka saya kembali. It hurts so, so bad but I must finish it. Or it'll haunt me forever. I think I will always be this Orang Kecil, always struggling to like myself, always battling my inner demons. But I also should keep in mind this thing I read once: "No matter how big the test that you're facing is, god is way bigger. And god loves you. You're only being tested because you are loved."