When I was a young girl

When I was a young girl, I was really bad at math and science (still am). Initially, those were the only two subjects that I was bad at, but through my little eyes they seemed like everything, like they were the only subjects that truly matter, and so I felt really small... and stupid. I was told that I was slow and dumb; a loser with a bleak future. I got beaten up for failing exams and failing to memorize my multiplication tables. I started to fall back in other subjects as well and went from number 2 in primary school to number 32 in high school. I questioned myself everyday- "why am I not getting it like the rest?" I slept every night secretly hating myself, academic-wise. I became that girl who felt disgusted by her stupid self and was ashamed of carrying her brain around. Today I wish that back then someone would tell me that imagination is not silly. That all these voices and melodies in my head is not a sign that I'm crazy. That creativity could be another form of intelligence the way dancing could be another form of walking. That those short stories, lyrics, poems I wrote were a little bit more than nothing and could actually be something. That art is equally important. That I can still enjoy learning and discovering despite not having all formulas and theories figured out. That the world is not divided into artsy kids and sciensy kids, stupid kids and smart kids. That every child should feel worthy of themselves, at least enough for them to feel that they belong and deserve to explore, just like everybody else. I trust things will get better, eventually, and while we adults are slowly moving forward, believing that things happened to us for a reason, I desperately hope in this age of time our children will not go through the same story. I plan on keeping it optimistic.


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