"WAIT TILL YOU BECOME A MOM."
That was my mom's ultimatum back then when I was a young girl, a challenging daughter. It made me very uncomfortable every time she said it, but I kept quiet. Because I knew I can't beat that. Because even though I didn't understand it just yet, my instincts told me that one day I will be seeing so much truth in what she said. That I will never know it until I become a mother myself. Just a matter of time. She was right.
I have been a mom for almost 6 years now. Only 6 years. I never knew I could love a person & care for a person this much. I never knew I could sacrifice for a person & be patient with a person this much. Saya rela rasa malu, segan, disalahertikan & diperkecilkan, demi Ikhlas. Saya juga rela mengaku silap, memohon maaf, menelan perasaan peribadi & keluar bangkit dari timbunan serpihan diri sendiri, demi Ikhlas. Understanding my child is forever a learning process for me, but still, it doesn't stop me from doing anything it takes to keep him safe & supported. Even if it's beyond my ability.
The same goes for my mom. Understanding me is forever a learning process for her I believe, but still, it doesn't stop her from trying her best to keep me safe & supported, through ways that she knows very well.
Ikhlas & I are two completely different people. He's vocal & confident while I'm not. My mom & I are two completely different women. Beliau gagah & garang, manakala saya bekas perempuan egois yang makin diuji makin terhakis. Neither righteous nor preachy. I just take in & take in & take in.
Barangkali begitulah ibu & anak yang berbeza generasi & situasi. Seperti puisi. Bukan untuk difahami. Tapi untuk dicintai.