The Man Who Gave Me Away Twice

Lelaki pertama di bumi yang memegang aku dan mencium aku.


Aku mewarisi lagunya dan puisinya, tapi tidak tatanya dan tertibnya.


I was about 11 when I stole a book from a bookshop. He hit my hand with a cane repeatedly, took me to the nearest police station, made me write a report on what I did, and asked an officer to lock me up overnight as a lesson.


Dari seorang pegawai tadbir ke seorang imam surau, dia tak pernah berjaya dirasuah dunia. Dia tahu kotor busuk anak-anaknya.


After divorce, I became his, all over again. The first place I ran to, despite knowing that I will have to take the blame.


Bapa yang tak memenangkan anak.


The first person to say "ayah belum sedia" when - for the second time in his life - someone asked for my hand in marriage.


Yet also the first person to say "kita cepatkan majlis" upon meeting that someone.


Usai nikah, saat beransur pulang, ayah bisik pada suami sambil berpeluksalam-


"Hilmy. Tolong jaga Wani... ya?"


There were tears welling up, not in his eyes, but in his voice. Airmata yang bertakung dalam peti suaranya dikunci senyum. Kemas.


Dulu waktu kecil, selalu ayah pesan:


"Kalau kita nak beri sesuatu pada orang, berilah sesuatu yang elok, yang kita sayang. Bukan sesuatu yang dah rosak, yang kita dah tak nak."


I can only imagine the size of his heart. The man who gave me away twice.


Happy birthday, ayah.


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